Starbucks seemed like the right thing to do on a recent afternoon. A little imported caffeine would help get me through the day.
Having placed the order, I found myself in front of the “barista” making my beverage. She was chatting with another customer.
She was chatting in a friendly manner, “I go by Jackie and my real name is Jacqueline. Only ‘those people’ still call me ‘Jacqueline.’”
Seeing an opportunity to make a connection, I smiled, lowered my voice and sternly said, “Jacqueline, I look forward to my beverage.”
Jackie immediately went flush. You could watch her become flustered. The chatty customer laughed, and said, “Wow, that’s the Dad voice.”
At this point, I felt terrible. Jackie was clearly affected by my lame attempt at humor.
And yet, there is a Dad voice.
The Dad voice evolved as a way to tell my kids whatever I was about to say was non-negotiable. It is not offered at an increased volume; to the contrary it is low and steady. Things like:
- Don’t touch the burner, it is hot.
- Drive slowly in bad weather.
- Be in by 10:00.
- Stop it (whatever “it” is.)
I guess the voice is very real. My daughter’s fiancé is a jokester, and a couple of times I’ve had to declare enough of the fun. Whenever it happens my daughter says, “I like that you use that tone of voice on all of us,” with a smile. In her mind, I am including her fiancé in our family.
In sharing this story with another parent, she offered she has the Mom finger. When the index finger is pointed in a direction, her kids know the conversation is over and it is time to move on.
Your children do better with boundaries. Having a way to reinforce those boundaries, such as a look, or a tone of voice, or a raised eyebrow, will help you make your point without raising your voice and losing control.
How do you let your kids know?