Guest Post: Kids home for the weekend? An alternative view

I wrote a post about how happy I was when all the kids are home.  It makes me feel nice.  It touched a nerve with guest post author Karen Ocean who submitted this perspective.

Want to know what a mom thinks? 

Let’s start with what brought them there?  Was it all the things we hear about – dirty laundry, the movie channels we have at home, the “mommy” food, the $20 bucks you have in the cabinet for whatever and the child grabs it and says I’m going to get a pizza and I’ll be back. 

Really are they home to spend time with their family or are they needed a respite from the constant going?  As a mom, I think that’s what they are looking for.  They just want to be in a comfort zone!  I know when my 20 year old comes home, it’s all about “chillaxing”.  It’s not about catching up with me or anyone else in the family.  It’s about familiarity and the ability to just be – without all the “constant going”.

For all the years I parented her and guided her. I now let her guide me into the world she lives and sometimes it makes me think, didn’t I teach her that or talk about that with her when she was younger?  Oh good, she was listening.  Then there are the times I think why did she do that, what was she thinking why she didn’t talk to be about how difficult that course was that semester.  Why did she hide it?  And then there’s the friend that’s a boy  – NOTE – not boyfriend.  We all know what’s going on there and did I teach her enough about that?!

So I go back to the idea of sit back and let her teach me and I know that when she really needs me, I’ll listen, help as best I can, give advice when asked – okay, can you tell my own mother taught me that?  And just be there for her, her mom - that reliable person who did so many things for and with her for all those years.

What will you do when your kids come home – no matter what age they are?

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Kids home for the weekend

A friend recently posted a picture on Facebook resonating with me.

When parents become empty nesters, the initial excitement quickly gives way to an open pit in your stomach…emptiness.

I’m sure children think it’s all like that old Staples commercial:

(Children note: It is like that for a little bit.)

The little thing you nurtured from childbirth is out on their own.  One of the kids once came back from college and observed, “Before, you knew where I was every minute.  Now, I have a whole life you know little about.”

This is where you hope they’ve grown up with the right values, and will make good decisions as they continue their life.

When the kids call, or drop in, or send an email…..or communicate in any way…parents tend to like it.

So to my friend with the kids home for the weekend….enjoy!

How do you make it special for your children when they come home?  

Do you make special dinners?  DVR favorite shows?  Make breakfast where you might otherwise not?

When you come home from college...

Dear <fill in the blank>,

I am very happy you have gone to college.  College was very fun for a couple reasons; you learn how to learn and you fully develop as a person.

It really is a 50:50 proposition.  I hope you spend as much time on social as academic activities.  The friendships you forge in college will last you a lifetime.  Strike the balance for your well rounded development.

When you are at college, you are out of sight and not out of mind.  While I may not know where you are every minute, I know you are at your job.  I experimented in college, and am sure you will too.  Please be careful.

When you come home on break, please let me know what you are doing just so I don’t worry.

You see, when you are away at college your extended family of friends (be it other academic friends, fraternal friends, club friends, sport friends) keep an eye out for you.

When you are home, I want to know what you are doing.  You may think this is controlling, and let me explain it’s not.

If you are going to spend a night at a friend’s, let me know so I don’t worry.  If you are going to be really late, let me know so I don’t worry.

I’m not looking for a moment by moment accounting.  In fact, far from it.  You have your life to lead.  I just want to know you are safe.

It may seem odd, but I had an experience like this a number of years ago.  I had relocated to New England, and due to the school schedule you were going to follow a month or two later.  Good friends insisted I stay with them.  On my first night, I worked a little later and got a call from my friends, “Are you coming home?  We’re holding dinner for you.” 

We hadn’t talked about dinner, and I felt terrible about impacting the family dinner they had so kindly prepared.

Had I just let them know I’d be working late, they would have known.  Obviously, they were not controlling me.  Quite the contrary, they were being nice to me.

Just let me know generally what you are doing so everyone is clear on expectations.  It’s great having you home.

Love, Dad.