It wasn’t odd for my 26 year old daughter to invite me over to her house for a barbeque….but on a Friday night? Unheard of!
The usual texting around who was coming (my son, his wife, daughter and her boyfriend) and who was bringing what was enjoyable. Of course, it strayed into who has the prettiest cat, etc. All fun.
The night arrived and we all enjoyed a delicious barbeque chicken meal, along with some delicious corn. All in all, a normal get together.
Suddenly my 29 year old son hops up and runs to the kitchen cabinet, grabbing a package wrapped in Christmas paper and handed it to me. Hmm. Now THIS is odd. It’s July! I was being told I had a gift to open.
Opening the package, I was greeted by a baby’s onesie. 
My mind was a whirl. There were two females in the room, and I quickly looked in each of their faces. It was obvious. My son and his wife were preganant.
“Really?” was my initial spoken word. OK, in retrospect perhaps I could have summoned up a better reaction. At the time, it was what I was thinking. Was this really happening?
Hugs took place, with more appropriate congratulations. My daughter asked if I felt older….and the truth is while I didn’t feel older, I had an odd mix of feelings. It was an odd mixture of pride, fright, happiness, etc.
Wasn’t this the same little guy I was considering the right words for his impending wedding?
Wasn’t this the same little guy who slept overnight outside the San Diego Convention Center for Comic-Con so he could get seats for a 2:30 in the afternoon Game of Thrones panel?
Wasn’t this the same little guy I used to carry around like a football?
My little guy was quickly transforming into a man right before my eyes.
Once the entire calamity settled, my daughter asked me what advice I would pass on to my son and his wife.
Hmm. (Thank you, Erin, for asking simple, light questions to keep the party going.)
Kids are such a HUGE responsibility. They are a lifelong commitment. And they do NOT come with an instruction manual!
My response was simple one. Breathe. I think I would have been a better dad had I breathed more when presented with the challenges of children. Whether it was something the child was doing, or not doing, taking a split second to reflect would have made some of my responses more appropriate.
One of the things about having kids is it means hope. Hope for all of us. Hope for the future.
In the last 24 hours, I’ve had more time to reflect, and have started a list of what to tell the kids. It’s incomplete, and I’d like you to add to it. After all, it takes a community. Due date is in February, so we have time.
So here is the beginning of my brainstormed list:
- Always keep a “drool cloth” close by. Kids spit up all the time. It will make you happy.
- Don’t waste money on the finest everyday kid’s clothes. They are not in them that long. Wal-Mart has fine kids clothes. Save your money.
- Attend every open house, and play. Try to be at most (if not all) athletic events. Your kids will feel your support.
- Dirt is dirty, and generally not deadly. A little dirt is fun. Let the child have fun.
- What kids will remember is family times together. When asked what my kids liked most as a child…one said “the sandbar” and the other said boating on Lake Winnisquam. They were referencing the same thing. In their top items wasn’t the over the top pricey trips (Disney, Atlantis.) Make time for family.
- If your child is doing the best they can in school, rejoice. Not everyone gets an A. Again, an A for effort is what’s important. If they start “mailing it in,” intervene.
- Post high school education costs money. I am a believer in education. It doesn’t matter if you want to be a rocket scientist, or a mechanic, schooling is important. Start saving today.
- Your kids will get hurt. Physically, emotionally…. It is inevitable. Listen to them. Support them. Guide them. Hug them. You can’t completely insulate them from life…so you need to help prepare them.
- I woke my kids up every morning with an off pitch song, and they went to sleep to a simple prayer. Goofy? Perhaps. And they still remember it.
- The adage, “Children should be seen and not heard,” is bullshit. Kids should be mannered.
- Don’t spank.
- Gift giving times do not have to break the bank.
- Dinner can be a fun time. Don’t miss every dinner.
- Enjoy your children. Enjoy their growth and development. Laugh.
- The little child you love and nurture will inevitably turn evil in their teens. You do NOT become stupid over night.
- If your child can’t behave in a store or restaurant, take the child out of the store or restaurant quietly and efficiently. Do not let yourself be heard over the wailing child!
- Organized after school activities should be encouraged.
- If you have more than one child, recognize they are different little people.
- You will be tired. Only for 20 years. Get used to it.
- Read to your children. Don’t let the one eyed babysitter (TV) raise your child. When they are tiny, they won’t notice when you skip a page. It’s the time with them that’s important.
- School projects are an opportunity for you to spend time with your child. Sometimes they feel solely like parent projects. Work together on them.
- You can have some of your own traditions. Respect those already in the family.
- Have Zero tolerance of drugs and driving. Zero. Teach this early.
- Manners are important, and need to be taught and reinforced. They carry a child for a lifetime. Enjoy elbow night.
This is just a beginning list. A starter list so to speak. What advice would you give?